dpccworldtourfor1: 2010

In August myself and Mon (on my left) got married - very simple ceremony, bit of paperwork, production of a certificate and that's it. Second, we had a little daughter, born on the 14th September 2010 by C section, named Doris Lamona Sparkes weighing in at 2.8kg and 50cm long. See pictures. For those who don't know, Doris was my mother's name.

I would like to explain why I didn't tell anyone in the UK about Doris until she was a few weeks old. I had to get used to the idea of her arrival first with me thinking that I couldn't have kids anymore and suddenly being faced with the news got some getting used to. Second, Mon has a history of miscarriage and I felt it better to wait until it was certain the birth would be OK before telling anyone. If she had miscarried again, and although people are well meaning, it is sometimes best to just grieve yourself and not have constant reminders from those well meaning people. As it happens Doris is perfectly healthy apart from 1 problem. She has Glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase deficiency (G6PD). Never heard of it myself, but apparently it is a common genetic disorder in Asian people. It means she is allergic to several things and we just have to be careful with her diet and exposure to certain chemicals. For example we took her to the dentist last weekend and Mon and Doris waited while I had some treatment. Doris needed 2 nappy changes and Mon took her into the toilets to do the changes. In there the Dentist uses a disinfectant tablet that contains naphthalene and for a couple of days her skin was blotchy - a reaction just from breathing in the chemical. There was no discomfort just the allergic reaction.

From the photos you can probably see how much she resembles my family and when I first saw her I could see my father in her - poor kid (lol). I'm not sure yet which bits are from Mon's family.

Am I too old to have kids - maybe. I've had several months to reflect on this question and come to the conclusion that, for me, now is a good time. When I was growing up you were supposed to have your family by the age of 30 and it was considered strange if you had kids later. These days people are having families at much older ages after having careers or doing other things first. Having a family in your 20's for a lot of people is not a good time - no money, working hard, building a career, coping with mortgages and hardly grown up themselves (in a lot of cases) and still finding their way in the world. Then they have to deal with losing sleep, having a child (which is the biggest of commitments) and much more pressure on the family purse on top of everything else. Not saying this is the case for everybody but it is common. Whereas at my age, usually we are settled, have more time on our hands, have some sort of financial security, will be more patient and understanding and one of the best things can spend time with the child and help her/him learn about the world as they grow up. This is often not possible earlier in life - absent fathers always working, down the pub, playing sport etc. I do not exclude women from this absenteeism either. I may never see any grandkids but hopefully I will leave Doris with a good education and her as a well rounded person who can make her way in the world.

I did read an article sometime ago - if you get up every morning with a purpose you tend to live longer. What better purpose is there than making sure one of the next generation is OK. Another good thing is that at least she will not have any hang ups about being around old people as her old man is in his third generation.

At Doris's age her organs and bodily functions are a matter for the public arena and I often reflect that they will be again around about 2100 when she is getting ready to depart this world. Life is just a big circle, we all end up where we started.

Thailand is a very patriarchal society and Thai women do not expect the men to have any role in the bringing up of kids - that's women's work. Much the same as it was in the UK over 50 years ago. When Doris was born Mon had her sister, aunt, cousin round to help and I was pushed well down the pecking order of importance in the house. So I have to impose myself by volunteering to help with the day to day jobs that need to be done for Doris. However, I've had some strange looks from the Thai women who are not opposed to tutting and taking Doris away to do the particular job in hand when it looks like I'm struggling - feeding, nappies, burping etc. I know that they are thinking - useless men. But its OK, I don't get precious and am pleased to have the help. There are a lot of Thai women working here (we are still living at Prem) as cleaners, nanny's, housekeepers and Mon has become friendly with a lot of them and they do give me some funny looks sometimes and I'm sure they're thinking - a man helping with baby.

Next June we are planning a trip home to the UK for a holiday, so hope to catch up with you guys then. Doris will be around 9 months old and more manageable on a long haul flight than she will be at say 2 years old. See you then.